Pink Diamond Defense
Life is PRECIOUS... Defend It!
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 2012 CLASSES COMING SOON! |
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| The last few weeks the words “sexual harassment” and “sexual assault” have been in the news and on the tip of the tongues of a large number of Americans as the allegations against Herman Cain, a candidate for president, came to light several weeks ago. As I listened to the coverage, it dawned on me that many Americans, men and women alike, do not know what those two terms really mean and more importantly the difference between them. Further complicating the matter are the mixed messages sent out by society to men and women alike. It is time we had an honest conversation about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate and what our reaction should be to unwanted advances, both as the receiver and the giver. According to the Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN) “sexual harassment” includes, “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that affects an individual’s work or school performance.” RAINN defines “sexual assault” as, “unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling.” They go on to point out that in some states the terms “sexual assault” and “rape” are used interchangeably. The one thing that both terms do have in common is the fact that they are both unwanted by the receiver. That I think is the crux of the issue. In general, men (and some women) have a different definition of what is “wanted” and “unwanted” sexual advances. Further complicating the situation is the fact that many women either don’t communicate well what they do and do not want or have become so overly sensitive that many men are afraid to even open a door for them, which is usually meant as a sign of respect and consideration, for fear they will be perceived as a male chauvinist pig. The song, “Fire,” by the Pointer Sisters is a good example of the mixed messages our society sends men and women. The song portrays a woman whose words and actions don’t agree. One of the famous lines from the song says,” My words say split, but my words they lie. ‘Cause when we kiss, ooh, fire.” Catchy tune but what is really the message? Men don’t stop when women say stop because they really want you to keep going. The result is sexual assault and damaged lives on both sides. Gavin de Becker does an excellent job in his book, Gift of Fear, expressing the fact that women in American society are not allowed nor do they know how to say, “No,” and men don’t know how to hear, “no.” Women, if you want to avoid both sexual harassment and sexual assault, you have to learn to, “say what you mean and mean what you say.” That is something that I learned from my certifying instructor and mentor, Steve Kardian. I expressed to him some genuine fear that I had concerning a fellow co-worker who was sexually harassing me. Through my conversations with Mr. Kardian and my reading of Gift of Fear, I began to realize that my politeness was being misunderstood and putting me in a possibly dangerous situation. One of my favorite Stevisms is, “My safety first, his feelings last.” That doesn’t mean being rude for the sake of being rude, but it does mean not being afraid to appear rude if that is what it takes to get the, “NO!” across. Predators and jerks alike (is there really a difference?) rely on women not knowing how to say no until it is too late. In the end, honesty and a strong dose of assertiveness is the best policy. Don’t be overly sensitive but also don’t be afraid to let someone know that you are not interested or are offended by their actions. How do they know their comments etc. are unwanted until you tell them? By all means, do not use false claims of sexual harassment or especially sexual assault as a weapon. It degrades the terms and makes it harder for those who are truly experiencing one or both to be taken seriously and get something done. If, however, the person will not stop, seek help immediately. The longer the harassment continues the harder it will be to stop and the more likely it will turn into stalking or a dangerous situation. Keep in mind, however, that “It isn’t your fault, but it is your problem!” (another Stevism). It may not be “fair” but, depending on the severity, you may have to change jobs or take other actions to avoid being around a harassing person. Always keep in mind that many times, “A word to the wise is sufficient.” That especially is where men and women alike can take action to stop harassment before it starts. |
| When a man attacks a man, he either wants his money or his life. When a man attacks a woman, he either wants her money, her life, or HER BODY. The nature of the conflict is, by definition, vastly different. The way she defends herself should also be vastly different. So how should a woman defend herself? Fight Like a Girl!Sure it can seem like a clever play on words since most people think of “fighting like a girl” as being ineffective, weak, or silly. For us though, “fighting like a girl” means that a woman brings her particular strengths to the conflict while minimizing the strengths of a man. She should not attempt to fight directly into the strengths of the man who is attacking her. That’s not silly or weak; it is a smart strategy for any fighter. |
| This shift in thinking is what really sets the Fight Like a Girl program apart. |
| Join us and let us teach you how to Fight Like a Girl. |
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